Gasparini, A. et al.
The annual Microbiology Conference, an event showcasing the latest research on microorganisms, took a turn as a talk that was initially on how to curb the spread of E. coli began slowly devolving into a presentation about how certain bacteria are “extremely cute.”
Attendees were initially excited to get a first look at the breakthrough research by Soleil Brown, an emerging microbiologist and prominent Etsy shop owner, who’s abstract detailed an unprecedented glimpse into bacterial social structure .
“In hindsight, the first sign of trouble was when she began the lecture by giving everyone a discount code for her popular “Googl-E. coli” dolls, which were just pom-poms with googly eyes,” said one disappointed microbiologist .
Though Brown’s research examining the ways in which bacteria group was indisputably strong, uncertainty permeated the crowd when she revealed a slide entitled, “Now Imagine E. coli Hosting a Tea Party.” Attendees grew concerned when Brown would wistfully repeat, “now imagine if I was invited to that tea party. I think that’d be so fun,” every few slides.
“The presentation was nuts,” said rival microbiologist and myxococcus researcher Gordon Orville when asked for comment, “everyone knows myxo is the cutest bacteria.”
At press time, Brown was showing microscopic images of E. coli photo-shopped with little wigs and dresses . When asked for comment, Brown squeaked and exclaimed “they’re so cute!”