Letourneau, J. et al.
A coalition of bacteria living inside the small intestine of Physics PhD student Kyle Ingram has established a first-of-its-kind fiber-rich food pantry to feed the starving bacteria in Ingram’s colon after watching him eat instant noodles for the third week in a row. How heartwarming!
Like 95% of Americans, Ingram’s daily fiber intake does not meet the recommended minimum, causing trillions of bacteria in his gut to go hungry each day. Fortunately, the new food pantry will serve as a much-needed resource for the especially disadvantaged colonic bacteria, who reside in a “fiber-desert” due to their distance from the stomach. Donations to the food pantry are provided by generous small intestine bacteria, who can generally afford flagella extensions and vacations to the appendix. 
The density of bacteria in the colon is the highest ever recorded, with a trillion cells crammed into a single gram of intestinal contents. However, despite this population density, most of the available nutrients are depleted in the small intestine before they can reach the colon. While some small intestine bacteria have claimed that the benefits they receive will trickle down to the colon, the vast majority of Ingram’s colonic bacteria remain undernourished.
“We actually got the idea from our host,” said E. faecalis, one of the several million co-founders of the food pantry, “He sometimes gets food from a community food pantry for grad students powered by donations from other grad students.” 
“Of course, if Kyle would take a break from all the pasta once in a while and pick up a can of beans, there would be plenty of fiber to go around and none of this would be necessary.”