Rabbit In Cosmetics Testing Control Group Sick Of Getting Told She Looks “Tired” Today

Burgess, G. et al.

A rabbit who is part of the control group of a cosmetics experiment is growing tired of researchers commenting on how exhausted she looks just because she can no longer wear her signature winged eyeliner.

“I slept fine. I wish everyone would stop asking,” said subject 552742, “Maybe I ‘look tired’ because I am tired… tired of being asked repeatedly if I’m feeling run down or had a tough week. Just because I don’t happen to be tarted up like all these strumpets-” she said, pointing a paw towards the rabbits in the eyeshadow testing enclosure [1]

552742 says the part that really stings is the rabbits who have been hounding her are visually impaired. “Yeah they’re blind, they can’t even tell that I’m bravely getting very few likes on all my no-makeup selfies,” she fumed.

After the cosmetics experiment, 552742 is hoping to be close out her career in some sort of fun drug study. 

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George Burgess

George Burgess is a writer and stand-up comedian in Toronto, Ontario. He can be heard on Sirius XM, has placed in or won many contests including but not limited to The Los Angeles Laugh Factory Stand Up Shot Contest 2017, Brampton One-Liner Competition 2017, and is a contributor to Funny Or Die. He can be seen performing all over mostly-Toronto and was recently nominated for Toronto’s Best Male Newcomer I Heart Jokes 2018 Award.

About George Burgess 5 Articles
George Burgess is a writer and stand-up comedian in Toronto, Ontario. He can be heard on Sirius XM, has placed in or won many contests including but not limited to The Los Angeles Laugh Factory Stand Up Shot Contest 2017, Brampton One-Liner Competition 2017, and is a contributor to Funny Or Die. He can be seen performing all over mostly-Toronto and was recently nominated for Toronto’s Best Male Newcomer I Heart Jokes 2018 Award.