Neptune’s Newly Discovered Moon “Hippocamp” To Be Given Cruel Nickname By Popular Girl Moons

Fay, C., Graham, L., et al.

International Astronomical Union has officially named the newly discovered moon of Neptune “Hippocamp,” an unusual move that left the door wide open for it to be nicknamed by the older, more popular moons.

Led by Triton (Neptune I), the largest moon and self proclaimed “Queen Bee” of the Neptune system, nicknaming began with “Hungry Hungry Hippocamp.” Scientists are still trying to determine how the moons knew the name of a board game popularized 4.7 billion kilometres away from Neptune.

Tearful assertions by Hippocamp that her name isn’t weird, it’s just Greek, and that in fact, she is actually quite small for a moon were rebuked by Nereid (Neptune II), who proclaimed “you’re so ugly, Voyager 2 didn’t even take your picture!”

Hippocamp was photographed by the Voyager 2 spacecraft in 1989 but went unnoticed because of it’s low albedo. Armed with this information and confusing the term “albedo” (an object’s ability to reflect sunlight) with “libido” (a measure of sexual desire) the other moons started calling Hippocamp “Low Libido Loser.”

Neptune, for it’s part, shouted “don’t make me come out there” when it heard the moons bickering in its orbit.

“The depth of creativity and cruelty we’re seeing is truly awe inspiring,” said Mark Showalter, who discovered Hippocamp in 2013, “I just hope they don’t discover that ‘Hippocamp’ is named after a half-horse, half-fish creature. They’ll have a field day!”

At press time the popular moons were experimenting with variations of “Seahorse Ass Bitch.”

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About Author

Craig Fay

Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.

Lexa Graham

Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of dnatured. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering.

About Craig Fay 4 Articles
Craig Fay is a Toronto based engineer turned stand up comedian and host of The Villain Was Right podcast. His debut comedy album “Helicopter Rich” was praised as “observational and self-reflective…worth playing multiple times over” and is available on iTunes and Spotify.