Supermassive Black Hole Absorbs Large Portions Of Your Facebook Timeline

Island, J. et al.

An image of a supermassive black hole at the centre of the M87 galaxy was released by NASA this week, unknowingly bringing your facebook timeline dangerously close to its event horizon. The black hole itself is incredibly large, weighing well over 2.4 trillion times the mass of posts about the humanitarian crisis in Yemen.

“Black holes have such powerful gravitational pulls that they can bend light,” said NASA engineer Christine Turnbull, “and cause millions of people to care about space. “

“The universe is capable of such profound beauty,” said casual acquaintance Elizabeth Morgan about the blurry photo of an orange turd-like shape.

“Coolest space news I’ve read this year!” posted college roommate Alexander Quinn, referring to the lone piece of science news he has read in the past decade.

“This is sooooo cooooooool!!!!!!” wrote former coworker Lori Spencer, her post hurtling so dangerously close to the black hole it began to undergo spaghettification.

Researchers calculate your Facebook timeline will continue to orbit the black hole photo until late this weekend when we can expect it to be almost entirely consumed by the gravity of the Game of Thrones premiere.

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