To My Queen: Yes, I Am A Drone Bee, But I Am More Than Just Your Sex Slave

Hallworth, M., Graham, L. et al.

Dear Queen Bee, my Hive Queen (although if Beyonce is also reading this, hi! I’m a big fan!),

My name is Rodney Thomas Squance, and although I am a drone in your colony, there’s a lot more to me than my sticky bee ejaculate. Although I am, admittedly, amazing at mating, I don’t want that to be my sole purpose in this relationship, for I can bring so much more to the table!

I was born on February 3 rd , 2019 (I share a birthday with Nathan Lane!) and I’ve already accomplished a lot! I am a burgeoning film critic thanks to my review of Jerry Seinfeld’s film “Bee Movie”, which had far too many inaccuracies. Why were they driving around in cars? I’d love to hear your opinions on this, Queen, rather than just have me inject you with my endophallus.

To be clear, I don’t mean any offence by NOT mating with you (I’m sure you’re extremely fertile), there’s simply too many other things I’d like to do in the meantime.

I’d love to discuss my screenplay ideas with you (what do you think of a horror movie where a killer meets women on Bumble and then feeds them to bees? Pretty good, right?), instead of hearing you comment on the “tightness” of my hot bee ass when I am face-first inside a flower, trying to collect pollen for your glorious hive.

In conclusion, I’d love to take you out and get to know you, instead of mating with you for our customary 3-4 seconds, then having the force of my ejaculate rupture my penis, and killing soon after. I really do think you’re great, and I think you deserve more than five to six million of my “honeys” injected into your spermatheca.

Let me know if you’re free next Saturday, I know a human child who’s super allergic to us and it’s fun to watch them run!

Yours truly,

Rodney Thomas Squance (aka Mr. Black and Yellow)

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About Author

Marc Hallworth

Marc Hallworth has been part of NXNE, SiriusXM Radio's “Canada Laughs,” and was chosen as the host for part of the 2015 PanAm Games. His sketch troupe Vest of Friends was named Best-of-the-Fest at the 2016 Toronto SketchFest and the 2015 Montreal SketchFest, and one of Bite.ca's “10 Canadian Sketch Troupes You Need To See Right Now.”

Lexa Graham

Lexa Graham is a comedian with a Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and the founder and editor of dnatured. She has previously written for Reductress, CBC Comedy and also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering.

About Marc Hallworth 6 Articles
Marc Hallworth has been part of NXNE, SiriusXM Radio's “Canada Laughs,” and was chosen as the host for part of the 2015 PanAm Games. His sketch troupe Vest of Friends was named Best-of-the-Fest at the 2016 Toronto SketchFest and the 2015 Montreal SketchFest, and one of Bite.ca's “10 Canadian Sketch Troupes You Need To See Right Now.”