Burgess, G., Graham, L. et al.
After a little bit under a dozen years, top anniversologist Dr. Terrence Volio has made a stunning breakthrough in finding out how many years a decade is.
“Oh sure there have been theories for like, a long time. We’d always figured it was somewhere under a dozen years,” said Dr. Volio, whose recent research determined that each decade contains approximately ten years.
“We really got rolling once we secured funding for the clipboard and a pretty decent watch. After that, it was just playing the waiting game,” said Dr. Volio, as he put two fingers to his moustache and made an inhaling motion.
Despite the incredibly long study, Dr. Volio’s research has been rejected by most major journals because to date, he has only performed a single trial. Though he plans to perform future trials, he estimates each trial could take anywhere between eight and twelve years.
The research has also been somewhat controversial among his peers, who call his methods criminally inaccurate.
While the rejections were a blow to his tenure application, Dr. Volio remains focused on the bigger picture. “Ultimately, it’s a small step in my life’s work of finding out how many birthdays I’ll have.”
“Sure we got distracted and didn’t write down when we started to do the… thing. But we probably got it within a year or two,” retorted Dr. Volio, who said he’d rate the number of years in the decade a solid 10 out of 10.
