Top Koopa Kingdom Psychologist Says Bowser Is Clearly An “Empth”

Springer, D. et al.

Dr. Alan Wowser, esteemed Psychology professor at Koopa University, recently told Psychology Today that despite Bowser’s reputation as a brutal dictator, the Koopa Kingdom leader may actually be considered “highly empathetic”.

Dr. Wowser explained that Bowser’s most nefarious actions, including repeated kidnappings of Mushroom Kingdom’s Princess Peach, are merely expressions of his deep concern for her royal subjects, rather than aggressive plays for power and riches.

“Judging from his combative behavior, sharp fangs, and spike-riddled shell, one might assume that Bowser is some kind of unfeeling ogre,” said Dr. Wowser. “But from a clinical standpoint, Bowser is actually a textbook ‘warrior-empath,’ someone who channels the feelings of the oppressed to make changes.”

He notes Bowser’s life work is to stop the blatant human rights violations of the Peach monarchy.

Dr. Wowser specified three ways in which Bowser fit the definition of “empath”:

1) His attempts to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom are a reflection of his concern for Princess Peach’s fiscally irresponsible economy, foolishly based on an unstable fiat currency, floating gold coins.

2) His willingness to work with Mario in RPG games against common foes shows great perspective and maturity.

3) His new R&B album Mushroom Love is a surprisingly tender and poetic set of ballads.

When asked what role Bowser’s ownership of Koopa University might have played in his classification, Wowser refused to comment.

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Darren Springer

Darren Springer is a writer living in Toronto who has been published in Splitsider, CBC Comedy, and bite.ca. He can also be found at darrendspringer.bandcamp.com

About Darren Springer 6 Articles
Darren Springer is a writer living in Toronto who has been published in Splitsider, CBC Comedy, and bite.ca. He can also be found at darrendspringer.bandcamp.com