Environment Canada has issued a statement saying that despite multiple arguments in favour of the idea, it isn’t considered “clean energy” just because your car has been recently washed.
“I know people mean well, but ironically, the constant use of car-washes is actually an enormous waste of resources,” said Michelle Kubik, a spokesperson for the organization. “The contaminants from the soap eventually drain to rivers and lakes, causing fish and other wildlife to have a super creepy sheen.”
Environment Canada is doing their best to dispel other rumours regarding renewable resources, but it seems to be falling on deaf ears.
“Air fresheners are actually adding more potentially harmful chemicals into the air, not oxygen, no matter what fun shape they come in,” clarified Kubik.
Kubik responded to a question about how the average person could use more clean energy by saying “quite frankly, the best thing you could do for the environment is to not clean your car at all, and leave it to decompose.”
In a statement released later that day, Environment Canada clarified that farting doesn’t contribute to “wind power,” but admits that a diet replacing meat with beans would benefit the environment tremendously.